If you decide to quit your job, please do the right thing and give appropriate notice. Do not tell your boss at the end of the day that you have an interview for a new job tomorrow and that you'll need to miss work at your current job to make said interview. Do not no call/no show for two days beginning December 26th, ignore phone calls as to your whereabouts, and then finally sheepishly admit that you've decided to quit without notice. Do not show up 15 minutes late (without calling in) after having an "accident" in your pants on the car ride over (without changing those pants), leave the key in the door of the office that was recently burglarized, lie about leaving the key in the door, and then say you're quitting because "things are disorganized around here."
All of these things have been done by my employees. (And yeah, I heartily wish I was lying about the last one.) All of these things have stressed me out, sent me on a tirade, and just generally made me hopping mad. But, in my mind, the most shocking and jaw-dropping aspect of all of these things is that they were done by adults. Not teenagers - not even young, twenty-something whippersnappers - adults. Adults with families and responsibilities. Just take a moment to let that soak in.
Have some courtesy, people. Have some class. Have some dignity, for the love of Mike. But, above all, have some respect for the person who has to clean up after the bridge you just left flaming in your wake.
Unless of course your boss is a jerk-off. Then you have my permission to wet your pants and quit.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Landlords Unite!
Apartmentratings.com: the bane of my existence. It sounds like a good idea: a website where renters can rate apartment complexes/landlords on everything from maintenance service to amenities. Presumably, the original intention was to create an open forum to discuss the pros and cons of living in certain places. Ideally, it would be a way to keep people from making poor renting decisions and to put slumlords on notice, so to speak. But unfortunately NO ONE regulates this site. It costs nothing to post (You can even do so anonymously if you wish.) and is almost impossible to have comments removed. So, someone could post blatantly ridiculous lies such as, "My neighbor had a pet monkey that busted out my window and my landlord did nothing about it!" and conceivably I as the landlord in question could not have it removed.
Now, you can pay to have the right to post as a verified property owner/community manager, but how is that fair? I have to pay to defend myself against inane posts such as, "Thier cheats! They just take you money and donn't care about nobody!!!!" while any schizoid with an axe to grind can post his/her hucked-on-foniks-werked-fur-mee bullcrap? How democratic.
And where, oh where is the website for the discerning landlord? The site that will let you know that the guy who just filled out an application plans to never clean his bathroom for the next 12 months? Or that the nice couple to whom you just showed that one-bedroom are amateur taxidermists who will be stuffing rats with sand in their newly-carpeted living room? The answer, of course, is that there is no such website. Because that would be considered libel and therefore *gasp* illegal.
I had a tenant who broke his toilet, did not report the problem, and continued using it for a year. The toilet had to be removed by a biohazard team after he moved out. I had another tenant whose bathroom upon move-out was covered in hair clippings and an unidentifiable orange substance; it looked like someone with a penchant for munching Cheetos(and who also happened to be running a very profitable barber shop) had vomited everywhere. And it smelled like it too. Then there was the guy who filled his entire garage with Diet Coke cans full of urine. Or the man who collected dog feces in bags and kept them in a styrofoam container on his patio. Or the man who wanted to move out of his apartment because he was convinced the gay couple that lived above him would "burrow through his closet and get him." But my absolute favorite has to be the older couple who kept their armless grandson in a closet in their bedroom. (You read right - the word was armless.)
So, yeah, I'd like a website too. And fie on those grammatically-disinclined rejects who have the freedom to lie willy-nilly on the intarwebs. I just wanna know if you plan on hollowing out your oven and turning it into a NASCAR diorama, okay?
Now, you can pay to have the right to post as a verified property owner/community manager, but how is that fair? I have to pay to defend myself against inane posts such as, "Thier cheats! They just take you money and donn't care about nobody!!!!" while any schizoid with an axe to grind can post his/her hucked-on-foniks-werked-fur-mee bullcrap? How democratic.
And where, oh where is the website for the discerning landlord? The site that will let you know that the guy who just filled out an application plans to never clean his bathroom for the next 12 months? Or that the nice couple to whom you just showed that one-bedroom are amateur taxidermists who will be stuffing rats with sand in their newly-carpeted living room? The answer, of course, is that there is no such website. Because that would be considered libel and therefore *gasp* illegal.
I had a tenant who broke his toilet, did not report the problem, and continued using it for a year. The toilet had to be removed by a biohazard team after he moved out. I had another tenant whose bathroom upon move-out was covered in hair clippings and an unidentifiable orange substance; it looked like someone with a penchant for munching Cheetos(and who also happened to be running a very profitable barber shop) had vomited everywhere. And it smelled like it too. Then there was the guy who filled his entire garage with Diet Coke cans full of urine. Or the man who collected dog feces in bags and kept them in a styrofoam container on his patio. Or the man who wanted to move out of his apartment because he was convinced the gay couple that lived above him would "burrow through his closet and get him." But my absolute favorite has to be the older couple who kept their armless grandson in a closet in their bedroom. (You read right - the word was armless.)
So, yeah, I'd like a website too. And fie on those grammatically-disinclined rejects who have the freedom to lie willy-nilly on the intarwebs. I just wanna know if you plan on hollowing out your oven and turning it into a NASCAR diorama, okay?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
"Inception" or "How 'The Matrix' forever ruined movies for me."
When I saw "The Matrix" for the first time, I had that "What the...?" moment that I'm sure many of you had. I went home and thought and thought and thought about it.I didn't quite understand what had happened; Keanu's terrible acting and all that heavy metal music had distracted me. Everything became clearer upon second viewing, and by the third time I'd seen it, I felt comfortable discussing it at length with others.
That was the first movie that ever really baffled me. The first movie where I missed sections of dialogue because I was trying to wrap my head around this giant perception shift.
So now, ever since I saw 'The Matrix,' I can no longer just watch a movie - I have to analyze every bit of it from start to finish. And this makes enjoying a movie awfully hard. Within the first ten minutes of a film, I typically have a fully-formed opinion about: which direction the plot will take, who will die (if it's that sort of picture), whether the romantic leads will end up together, and who the double-crossing friend will be (if it's that sort of picture). It's an understatement to say that the brain is a phenomenal multi-tasker; so, obviously, I can still watch the movie while all this opinion-forming is going on... but it's not the same.
You sort of ruin it for yourself when you boil a movie down (even internally) to its most basic points - girl meets boy, boy dies via T-Rex attack, girl meets new boy, new boy double-crosses girl, girl is sad but eventually rides off into sunset with archaeologist - and you have the potential to miss a lot when you do this. The nuanced performances, the stunning visuals - you're not getting your metaphorical money's worth if your distracted by trying to figure everything out before the first handful of popcorn has been munched. And because I know this, I TRY not to extrapolate the plot so much... but it never works.
Enter "Inception," the buzzed-about film from Chrisophr Nolan ("Memento," "The Dark Knight") - I went to see it last week. I knew that this movie was supposed to be a mind-bender and that there was somewhat of a surprise ending, so what do I do? I start plotting it out in my mind five minutes into the show. No spoilers here, but, for me, the movie did not quite live up to the hype.
But is it because the mass media overstated its greatness? Or is it because I just had to be super sleuth and guess the ending shortly after the opening credits rolled?*
*The author is currently undergoing psychiatric treatment for her problem. She is being made to watch films such as "Citizen Kane" and "Unbreakable" where the endings make no sense and are therefore good aversion therapy.
That was the first movie that ever really baffled me. The first movie where I missed sections of dialogue because I was trying to wrap my head around this giant perception shift.
So now, ever since I saw 'The Matrix,' I can no longer just watch a movie - I have to analyze every bit of it from start to finish. And this makes enjoying a movie awfully hard. Within the first ten minutes of a film, I typically have a fully-formed opinion about: which direction the plot will take, who will die (if it's that sort of picture), whether the romantic leads will end up together, and who the double-crossing friend will be (if it's that sort of picture). It's an understatement to say that the brain is a phenomenal multi-tasker; so, obviously, I can still watch the movie while all this opinion-forming is going on... but it's not the same.
You sort of ruin it for yourself when you boil a movie down (even internally) to its most basic points - girl meets boy, boy dies via T-Rex attack, girl meets new boy, new boy double-crosses girl, girl is sad but eventually rides off into sunset with archaeologist - and you have the potential to miss a lot when you do this. The nuanced performances, the stunning visuals - you're not getting your metaphorical money's worth if your distracted by trying to figure everything out before the first handful of popcorn has been munched. And because I know this, I TRY not to extrapolate the plot so much... but it never works.
Enter "Inception," the buzzed-about film from Chrisophr Nolan ("Memento," "The Dark Knight") - I went to see it last week. I knew that this movie was supposed to be a mind-bender and that there was somewhat of a surprise ending, so what do I do? I start plotting it out in my mind five minutes into the show. No spoilers here, but, for me, the movie did not quite live up to the hype.
But is it because the mass media overstated its greatness? Or is it because I just had to be super sleuth and guess the ending shortly after the opening credits rolled?*
*The author is currently undergoing psychiatric treatment for her problem. She is being made to watch films such as "Citizen Kane" and "Unbreakable" where the endings make no sense and are therefore good aversion therapy.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Reviewed!
I read... a lot. I'm getting slower in my old age, but I still bust through about a novel a week. I'm forever being asked (and asking others) for book recommendations, so I thought I would post a few reviews here. Please feel free to comment with recent books you've read which you feel are worth sharing!
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"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"
by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
I was late to this bandwagon... well, technically, I wouldn't qualify myself as being on the bandwagon; it's more like I'm in the vicinity of the bandwagon. Anyway, I was intrigued by the idea right away (Zombies in the Victorian era? Whatever will they wear?) , but didn't read the book until three weeks ago.
I don't think I'm selling the book short by saying that it is exactly what the title states it is: Pride and Prejudice ... and Zombies. The author - nay, embellisher - takes the original book and sandwiches in this idea that England is overrun with zombies and that the Bennett family has been trained to deal with them. The original story - with all its angsty romance, misunderstandings, anguish over social improprieties - is still there, but now there's this matter of the Undead as well. There are lots of gory fight scenes, a clever backstory about the Bennett girls' martial arts training in China, and some great zombie-centric twists to the plot involving namely Lizzie's confrontation with Lady Catherine and Charlotte's marriage to Mr. Collins.
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"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"
by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
I was late to this bandwagon... well, technically, I wouldn't qualify myself as being on the bandwagon; it's more like I'm in the vicinity of the bandwagon. Anyway, I was intrigued by the idea right away (Zombies in the Victorian era? Whatever will they wear?) , but didn't read the book until three weeks ago.
I don't think I'm selling the book short by saying that it is exactly what the title states it is: Pride and Prejudice ... and Zombies. The author - nay, embellisher - takes the original book and sandwiches in this idea that England is overrun with zombies and that the Bennett family has been trained to deal with them. The original story - with all its angsty romance, misunderstandings, anguish over social improprieties - is still there, but now there's this matter of the Undead as well. There are lots of gory fight scenes, a clever backstory about the Bennett girls' martial arts training in China, and some great zombie-centric twists to the plot involving namely Lizzie's confrontation with Lady Catherine and Charlotte's marriage to Mr. Collins.
Other than those two plot developments, in my opinion, the best part of this book is the illustrations; eight black and white drawings accompany the story. The scenes depicted are generally ones of zombie mayhem. (Although there's a great one of a zombie-fied Charlotte in wedding attire. YES, Charlotte's a zombie!)
I don't know that this book will really get people who wouldn't normally read Austen to suddenly flock to her in droves. It may however get them to read the first few chapters out of curiosity's sake, and it has assuredly made existing fans view the original title in a new way.
Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 stars (I would have given four save for the fact that Grahame-Smith didn't write most of the book.)
Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 stars (I would have given four save for the fact that Grahame-Smith didn't write most of the book.)
You Will Enjoy This Book if You Like: the original "Pride and Prejudice" (maybe - if you're a little kooky), Bram Stoker's "Dracula," or "Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell" by Susanna Clarke.
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"Bloody Awful"
by Georgia Evans
This book is one in a series of murder-mystery tales that take place in southern England during World War II; the main character, Gloria, is a were-fox. Yup - she turns into a red, bushy-tailed little thing in the moonlight and romps around the Surrey hills solving mysteries. As if constantly tripping over dead bodies weren't enough, Evans also populates this world with vampires, pixies, and dragons - oh my! - and all seem hell-bent on making Gloria's life complicated.
I really wanted to like this book; I really, really did. I recently met the author (real name Rosemary Laurey) at a science-fiction/fantasy convention and I thought she was brilliant; erudite, witty, and sarcastic as she was, I thought her books would definitely be to my taste. But this book is dull and disjointed and just... not good. *sigh* Her title was unwittingly appropriate.
Anyway, I will try her other books before making a blanket judgement. She also writes vampire romance under her own name and has some other risque fiction under the name 'Madeleine Oh.' I will update you, intrepid readers, on how those other books fare.
Overall Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
You Will Enjoy This Book if You Like: Ummm... other boring books?
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"Crown of Vengeance"
by Stephen Zimmer
Eleven ordinary people find themselves enveloped in a strange mist and transported to another world. Separated into two groups, with no idea how or why they came to this place, they must fight to survive. And it is evident that war and unrest plague this world, as armies muster and factions strike against each other, often placing the eleven right in the middle of their conflicts. Will these travelers discover untapped reserves of strength and cunning, or ultimately break against the pressures of this strange new world?
Zimmer introduces many races and cultures in this book, the first in the Fires of Eden series. It's obvious that this story is going to play out on a grand scale. (To me, the most interesting group is the Trogens, a proud dog-like race who ride winged feline steeds.) The use of mulitple non-human races, mixed with a major plotline involving religion, reminded me a little of C.S. Lewis' "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe."
In a nutshell: the story pulled me in, the characters did not. Even by the end of the book, I didn't care about any of these eleven people; in fact, I was more emotionally invested in some of the half-glimpsed villains of the story than I was in the purported main characters. So, I will read the next book (which comes out this November) in the series, but only because I want to know what comes next... not because I care about what happens to these eleven people. Actually, I hope they all get eaten by the dog-people. :)
Overall Review: 3 out of 5 stars (with the caveat that I enjoyed it enough to read the next book in the series)
You Will Enjoy This Book if You Like: "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe," George R. R. Martin's " A Game of Thrones" series, or any of the Falconfar books by Ed Greenwood.
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I actually have three more books to review (Did I mention I read a lot?), but this post is already enormous, so I will save those for next week. Check me out again, gentle readers, for reviews of: "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizzendine, "A Storm of Swords" by George R. R. Martin, and "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" by Seth Grahame-Smith.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
And this is just awesome...
This makes me giggle and clap my hands like a small child:
The following is a message forwarded to me by a friend. The message was written by the C.O.O. of her company (Names have been removed to protect the witless):
"It is with my pleasure to announce the promotion of ****** ****** to the position of ************* responsible for the Texas and Mid-West multifamily portfolio. ****** has proven herself over the last several years with both successful portfolios under her charge as well as the excellent teams she has assembled.She will be establishing continuity with branding ,systems,and marketing /training throughout her regions.Please congratulate her as well as assist her in this transition.I believe our company is in a strong position in these regions and will continue to progress and improve in the future
**** *******
Chief Operating Officer"(sic)
And here is my response:
Dear ******,
You do not possess the grammatical (or editorial, apparently) skills that befit a C.O.O. Furthermore, in my opinion, your blatant disregard for spacing renders you subhuman. Therefore, I am banishing you.
Good day, sir.
Hatefully yours,
The Email Nazi
The following is a message forwarded to me by a friend. The message was written by the C.O.O. of her company (Names have been removed to protect the witless):
"It is with my pleasure to announce the promotion of ****** ****** to the position of ************* responsible for the Texas and Mid-West multifamily portfolio. ****** has proven herself over the last several years with both successful portfolios under her charge as well as the excellent teams she has assembled.She will be establishing continuity with branding ,systems,and marketing /training throughout her regions.Please congratulate her as well as assist her in this transition.I believe our company is in a strong position in these regions and will continue to progress and improve in the future
**** *******
Chief Operating Officer"(sic)
And here is my response:
Dear ******,
You do not possess the grammatical (or editorial, apparently) skills that befit a C.O.O. Furthermore, in my opinion, your blatant disregard for spacing renders you subhuman. Therefore, I am banishing you.
Good day, sir.
Hatefully yours,
The Email Nazi
Friendly Warning
This is worth re-posting because I continue to have this dream.
So I had a dream about the end of the world.
Now, I've had apocalyptic dreams before, but they normally involve staying at a lovely seaside hotel and watching a tidal wave engulf an entire town. This is followed by the stars (literally) falling from the sky. I've had this particular dream so many times that I will never, ever stay anywhere where the ocean is closer than a mile away. The very thought fills me with dread. (Maybe that's what causes the end of the world! Me staying at a seaside hotel! Look out, Nostradamus - I'm awesomer.)
Anyway, this dream involved the sun blacking out and then sailing across the sky like a gigantic baseball. It was horrifying. The only thing that kept it light (and utilimately made me realize it was a dream) was when my friend Joe said, "Uh, yeah... it'll take at least 2-4 weeks for the sun to recover from that."
I firmly believe that dreams are your mind's way of telling you what's going on in the dank and musty recesses of your brain, especially when it comes to stress and worry; your cerebral "Basement of Hand-Wringing," if you will. So, what does that mean for me? Hmmm. Off the top of my head, I would guess I'm worried about something big that's coming up soon; whatever it is, I think it's going to go badly. And that would make perfect sense, given the dream... IF I had something big coming up that I was worried about. But I don't.
Sooooo... I guess that means the world's really coming to an end. Sorry 'boutcha. :)
So I had a dream about the end of the world.
Now, I've had apocalyptic dreams before, but they normally involve staying at a lovely seaside hotel and watching a tidal wave engulf an entire town. This is followed by the stars (literally) falling from the sky. I've had this particular dream so many times that I will never, ever stay anywhere where the ocean is closer than a mile away. The very thought fills me with dread. (Maybe that's what causes the end of the world! Me staying at a seaside hotel! Look out, Nostradamus - I'm awesomer.)
Anyway, this dream involved the sun blacking out and then sailing across the sky like a gigantic baseball. It was horrifying. The only thing that kept it light (and utilimately made me realize it was a dream) was when my friend Joe said, "Uh, yeah... it'll take at least 2-4 weeks for the sun to recover from that."
I firmly believe that dreams are your mind's way of telling you what's going on in the dank and musty recesses of your brain, especially when it comes to stress and worry; your cerebral "Basement of Hand-Wringing," if you will. So, what does that mean for me? Hmmm. Off the top of my head, I would guess I'm worried about something big that's coming up soon; whatever it is, I think it's going to go badly. And that would make perfect sense, given the dream... IF I had something big coming up that I was worried about. But I don't.
Sooooo... I guess that means the world's really coming to an end. Sorry 'boutcha. :)
Ha ha ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ah ahaha ha!
I crack myself up re-reading this post, so I had to bring it over here:
My former employer- who many of you know - seems to be obsessed with me. Part of her obsession manifests itself in her assuming that I am obsessed with her and her stupid company.
Now, some of you might stop me here and say, "But Kelli, you're taking the time to write a blog about her. That could be construed as at least being unable to let the past go, don't you think?" And you may be right, gentle reader. However, I defend myself by saying that... SHE STARTED IT!
I will not name her - since I fully believe her pact with Satan involves her being able to sense the use of her odios moniker - but most of you know her or have heard me speak of her. I'm sure you also know about her melting candle wax face and her wide, expressionless psycho baby doll eyes. And for these things I pity her. All her piles of money can't keep her from having to sleep hanging upside-down from the ceiling each night or stop her cheekbones from sliding into her clavicle.
I can picture her now - eating at MCL in a ballgown or buying her way into another organization - and, I will admit, my mind fills with cold hate. BUT... there's another picture of her that floats through my head: her, shoring up her melting face by gathering folds of skin and stapling them behind her ears, sitting in her white marble office with her princess phone and her fake quill pen from 1985 (the last year she was relevant). She is alone. Utterly alone. THIS picture makes me laugh and laugh.
In the end, how could I (or anyone else) be obsessed with someone so tragic?
My former employer- who many of you know - seems to be obsessed with me. Part of her obsession manifests itself in her assuming that I am obsessed with her and her stupid company.
Now, some of you might stop me here and say, "But Kelli, you're taking the time to write a blog about her. That could be construed as at least being unable to let the past go, don't you think?" And you may be right, gentle reader. However, I defend myself by saying that... SHE STARTED IT!
I will not name her - since I fully believe her pact with Satan involves her being able to sense the use of her odios moniker - but most of you know her or have heard me speak of her. I'm sure you also know about her melting candle wax face and her wide, expressionless psycho baby doll eyes. And for these things I pity her. All her piles of money can't keep her from having to sleep hanging upside-down from the ceiling each night or stop her cheekbones from sliding into her clavicle.
I can picture her now - eating at MCL in a ballgown or buying her way into another organization - and, I will admit, my mind fills with cold hate. BUT... there's another picture of her that floats through my head: her, shoring up her melting face by gathering folds of skin and stapling them behind her ears, sitting in her white marble office with her princess phone and her fake quill pen from 1985 (the last year she was relevant). She is alone. Utterly alone. THIS picture makes me laugh and laugh.
In the end, how could I (or anyone else) be obsessed with someone so tragic?
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