Le Freak, c'est chic.

Can someone please explain to me this obsession with James Franco? In every movie I've seen him in, the guy is either grinning like a moron or high as a kite... or both. And that's okay if you're playing the stupid drugged-out next door neighbor role, but Franco's up next as a super-genius-inventor/scientist-type in the new Planet of the Apes movie. C'mon - that's about as believable as Zach Galifianakis playing Stephen Hawking. To whit:

City by the Sea - drug addict (high!) and angsty

Tristan and Isolde - high and English

Milk - high and goofy and gay

Pineapple Express - high and goofy

Date Night - high and white trash

127 Hours - high and goofy and hacks off his arm

Your Highness - high and goofy and wears armor

And the guy isn't even good-looking - he's just goofy. Oh, and he's always smiling. Who does that? As my sister pointed out, he's perfect in his recent role as an egomaniacal artist/serial killer on General Hospital. Why? Because anyone who smiles that much is either a surfing pothead or a serial killer. There are no other possibilities. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the serial killer character's name is 'Franco.' I wonder how that conversation went....

General Hospital writer-type person: "So, James, your character is a complete psycho. He'll be torturing and killing off several characters over the course of a few months. He's completely fleshed out for you in your character bio packet there. Any questions?"

James Franco: "Yeeaaah... so can we change the character's name to my last name? 'Cause that'd be awesome." *cheesy grin*

Or maybe like this:

General Hospital writer-type person: "Mr. Franco, your character is called Benedetto Masterson and he's a stone-cold psycho. Any questions?'

James Franco: "Duhhh... what's his name? Bernie?"

Writer:" No, Benedetto."

James Franco: "Buford?"

Writer: "BEN-UH-DETTO. Benedetto."

James Franco: "Can we get high?"

Writer: *sigh* "How about we just call him Franco?"

James Franco: "Right on. Cool name."

Me, I'm betting the second one. Because despite the fact that Franco has two degrees, writes poetry, and runs his own production company, he sounds like a complete and total dunce every time he opens his mouth. Oh, and did I mention that he looks like he's high? All. The. Time.

So why all the hate for Franco? Because I want Hollywood to stop putting him in movies I would otherwise enjoy.

*brief pause for seething*

Not only will he be the aforementioned genius in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, but he will also play the titular character in Oz: the Great and Powerful. I guess one can hope he stays behind the curtain for most of the movie, yes? Oz was a charlatan, but HE WAS NOT HIGH AND/OR GOOFY. Okay - maybe he was goofy. But not James Franco goofy.