C'mon, Wheel - squeak!

I'm not big on needing people.

Self-sufficient, independent, aloof - call it whatever you like - that's me. I know that I can always count on myself. And sometimes I can count on others, but mostly it's me who gets the job done. Throw me into a work-related scenario and the words "self-starter" and "anticipatory" get added to the abovementioned list. Basically, I need very little coaching or hand-holding; I know what needs to be done and I do it.

Now let's talk about that good ol' Squeaky Wheel - the whiner, complainer, and all around assistance-sucking vacuum that exists in every work arena. This person (or, if you're hideously lucky, there may be more than one) is like that bad kid in your elementary school class; he/she takes up most of the teacher's time with his/her antics and deprives the other children of attention. (Who has time to congratulate the spelling bee winner when Snotface McGee has set fire to the blackboard erasers again?) The workplace Squeaky Wheel rolls around and makes a lot of noise - complaints about his pay or his latest assignment - until someone greases him down... and makes you exceedingly jealous in the process because you may feel like complaining too, but you're keeping your mouth shut and "doing your job."

As you might have guessed, I'm not a Squeaky Wheel. I, in fact, am a Painfully Silent Wheel. Some might even call me Martyr Wheel - give me the biggest, heaviest cart and I'll carry it forever. I don't ask for help and I generally don't need it. But what I do need - like everyone else - is to be appreciated. And while that Squeaky Wheel is squeaking away, it seems as though there's hardly a glance given to the rest of the wheels on the cart. Eventually, even the strongest wheels wear down if you don't check them over from time to time.

So, the moral, I guess, is to squeak once in awhile - even if you feel silly doing it. Me, I'm off to set fire to some blackboard erasers!

Mea Culpa? Yeah, right.

Whatever happened to, "My fault - sorry" ? Somthing so simple, but yet - in absentia - so meaningful.

Nothing is ever anyone's fault anymore. I see this every day in my personal and professional life. Quick to defend, quick to spin, quick to deflect - never quick to apologize. There's a lot of, "I only did that because I was given bad info," or, "Yes, I forgot, but it's because I'm really busy, " or even, "My mistake is really a positive thing in the end because of blah blah blah." Or, my personal favorite, the Passive-Agressive Pass-off: "I did that because you didn't tell me to do otherwise and I assumed you'd tell if you wanted it done differently." What's the big deal? Why won't people just admit their mistakes and move on?

I understand - no one wants to be wrong/at fault. No one wants to fail at anything. It makes you feel stupid. But who among us is perfect? (This is where someone should shout, "Kelli Kern!" :) )

And if you're never wrong or never make a mistake, then you're probably some psycho robot from the future sent to annihilate the human race. And I can't have that.

If Wishes Were Fishes...

Sometimes the cards just all fall into place. Once again, life has brought me the motivation I need (and just in the nick of time!) to begin the next chapter of my story. I'm glad it finally arrived; I was beginning to become seriously anxious. But, now that it's here, I have to wonder if I had to get to this point - on the brink of the brink - in order to truly appreciate this gift.

Or maybe 'gift' isn't the right word. 'Chance' is probably more appropos. Any way you look at it, I wanted it and I needed it, so I'm ecstatic that it's finally here!

It won't be all smooth sailing from here on out, but the view is certainly more pleasant (and my frame of mind more positive) than it was before. And I think that's what counts.

Round and Round

I have a bad habit of interrupting myself. I start a sentence and then qualify it (and then sometimes qualify it again) before even getting to the meat of the matter.

"So, I was thinking... and I think I thought of this because of that guy from the other day who had the banana on his head... or maybe I was already thinking about it and he just reminded me... I don't know... anyway...."

I do this all the time. And it's annoying. Even to me.

Why do I do this? I think it's a manifestation of my obsessive need to control everything - even myself. I can't have free form thoughts; that would be faaar too chaotic. Of course, maybe this entire blog is about my need to explain... AND THEREFORE CONTROL everything.

Wow. Cyclical neuroses. Fascinating.

Infuriating

I know several people who wander through life, randomly making decisions which effect them monumentally... and then later being genuinely surprised when those hastily made decisions wreak havoc on their lives. These people bemoan the unlucky "accidents" which seem to constantly befall them. "I can't believe my boyfriend left me! I mean, he cheated on his last girlfriend... and he never seemed to be as committed to the relationship as I was... but I just can't believe he left me!" Or "My car broke down again - why me? Yes, it had a million things wrong with when I bought it... and I got it for a steal... but I can't believe there's something wrong with it again!" It's like standing in a mud puddle, jumping up and down... and then complaining because you've got mud on your pants.

How do these people get through life? Shouldn't an advanced and extrapolated evolutionary theory almost guarantee that someone who doesn't see the connection between actions and consequences should perish quickly (and, if I have a say, with a big splat)? Yet they constantly dog my step - here a bewildered thrice-married young woman, there an idealistic forty-something man who's lost his job once again.

I worry that society helps these nitwits - nay, favors them. Individuals who always look straight ahead, never noticing the wake of destruction trailing them, are deemed "positive" and "easy-going;" whereas people who focus on what they've done wrong are "cynical" and "downers." (And, for the record, we prefer "pragmatic." :) )

I have a friend whose actions have irreparably damaged her life as well as the lives of others, but if you were to even imply that different decisions on her part could have resulted in a very changed future for herself and others... well, she'd be shocked and offended at the least.

Hindsight is 20/20, it's hard to see the forest for the trees, blah blah blah: I don't think we should keep making excuses for people like this!