And another post from myspace...
Can people change? Can they really, really change?
If I say 'no,' then that means I can't change either... means I can't evolve, mature, or essentially alter my character in any way. And that's just depressing. Who doesn't believe that they will someday overcome those bad habits, destructive tendencies, idiotic psychoses? That - deep inside - there germinates the seed of a beautiful new tree of life? That maybe they are just sleeping inside a chrysalis of their own making, which will one day crack open and reveal a totally different person?
If, on the other hand, I say 'yes'... I am ignoring years of hard evidence to the contrary. It is foolish to think you can change a person and many times even more foolish to believe someone who says that he/she will change. If you let yourself walk blindly down this road, then I have no advice for you, only the pity of one who's been there and found no end to it. (As someone once said, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and clearly you've found the right person to fool.")
I think the crux of the matter is this: people can change... but only if they truly want to change. No one can fix your problems for you, just as no one can identify them. I believe that if a person recognizes and understands his/her issues, and wants to do something about it/them, then they can change. The important thing for us, the bystanders with hope beating away in our chests, to recognize is the difference between a person who wants to change and a person who says they want to change.
And while you're trying to decide if someone really wants to change or is just telling you what you want to hear, remember this: people don't always need to change just because we think they should. The world is not our dollhouse; we should never attempt to rearrange lives on a whim. Love is accepting someone for who they are. If you want someone to overlook your faults, be prepared to overlook theirs.
*slow clap*
ReplyDeleteWell put, Kelli.